A roadmap out will only get us so far if as a community we’re not in a position to let go of the past and accept the new, writes Emma Lang.

It might sound obvious that a global pandemic is sci-fi apocalyptic hell, but back in my foggy mind, it’s sure taken me a while for the penny to drop.

When it started in March last year we were asking had we overreacted – had we all become paranoid toilet paper jerks. One year on, we were hearing “post-covid” commentary as we reaped the benefits of hefty sacrifices turn into endless donut days.

We happily dismantled crisis teams and rebooked interstate holidays. Watched the Government oh so promptly end Jobkeeper. And we misplaced our masks on mass. 

Just months later, I’m unsure all over again, wondering what the buggery it is that we’re in. Is it the Black Plague that stained history books for hundreds of years? Or simply more akin to a blip in modern history.

Overwhelmed by endless updates, I turned off my notifications and from the news I couldn’t control, and more pointedly, couldn’t make sense of. (Aware how privileged this position is). 

That is, until yesterday, when I very reluctantly hedged my bets on the somewhat obvious. It is global. It is the stuff of teenage boy blockbusters. And it is going to chuck my and my loved ones’ lives upside down for more than lock down six. Lol. 

That’s my partner, my family, my friends. That’s my sister who’s lost work. My child’s grandparents who will have missed the first five months of her life. And a friend who yet again can’t return home to Australia for Christmas. 

That’s for many of us grieving a life travelling with friends, hugging at weddings, opening our homes to family and friends when they need it most. And for all of us, being so kindly reminded of the very little control we indeed have over plans and our futures. 

This reality as it sinks in requires so much more than the grin and bare it tact that our Government’s and employers asked of us in 2020. And in fact it requires more than merely 0.a roadmap to get us through.

What we’re needing now more than ever is a safe space to acknowledge and hold our shared grief. To hold our collective uncertainty, and to provide us with the reassurance that whatever comes, and whatever changes, and there will be plenty, that the most vulnerable in our community will be cared for. 

Reassurance in fact that our governments, employers and appointed leaders will do everything in their capacity to protect each and everyone of us.

Without this vital message, we risk leaving our community like me  in denial, and at our worst primed to blame others, polarised and filled with anger. The Kubler-Ross Model (1963) spells out key responses to deep loss and grief. Denial and anger among them; fueled by fear and resistance to the grief held at bay. 

As Associate Professor Jonas Kaplan explains, the brain’s first and primary job is to protect itself. When faced with a reality that is likely to hurt, particularly when this may influence our sense of self and being, our brain’s role is to resist the threat with all it can. 

Provoking the parasympathetic flight and fight response, Kaplan and Gimbel’s study into political beliefs (2016) found that our brains work overtime to defend itself against impeding threats.

The smarter we are, the better we become at rationalising our way out of the discussion. Whether it involves discrediting expert sources, finding someone to blame or doubling down on emerging beliefs, none of these responses to the pain and loss we now face is conducive in a pandemic.

Right now we have a situation that needs us to be collectively open to new ways of living, operating and interacting with one another, more so than we have ever been required to transform before. We need to be incredibly receptive to new learnings as they emerge and fast evolving policy as required. 

And we need to be prepared to accept new norms and new requirements together, as a collective if our response is to work.

But in order for us to get there, before anything else, we urgently need is space and permission to feel the grief and accept the loss of control, the futures we envisaged and the life we had led. Once that is seen and felt can we move on to embracing the next. 

So no more rhetoric please of ‘post-covid’. No more rhetoric of our path out. And please, no more band-aiding for when we get back to normal. Let’s allow the gravity and sacrifices we’ve all made sink in, and let us grieve. For only then will we be able to move forward with the openness and acceptance we need. 

Sources

Kaplan, J.T., Gimbel, S.I. & Harris, S. (2016). Neural correlates of maintaining one’s political beliefs in the face of counterevidence. Scientific Reports.

Kubler-Ross, E. (1969), Death and Dying, Scribner, reprint.